Living In A Van

I've lived in a van full-time for 3 years. Here are the 5 biggest downsides no one talks about.
Story by insider@insider.com (Alyshia Hull).

I saw this title and I had to read it.  I mean, who wouldn't want to live in a van?  Alternatively, this article could have been titled "My Bad Life Choices".  Normally, I'm a to-each-their-own but this is completely stupid.

Raychel Reimer, whose parents must hate her because they gave her a name a dumb spelling, is "a van life content creator from Vancouver, Canada".  You read that right: a van life content creator.  Wouldn't "van life" be the same as being a modern day Gypsy?  That is nothing to be proud of.

Raychel Reimer and her husband Nick live in their van full-time.  Everyday tasks can be exhausting, like getting a glass of clean water.  Though living in a van is cheaper than owning a home, there are still expenses that add up.

You might be wondering when did this cost-saving adventure start?

"Back in 2018, my husband Nick and I traveled to Cambodia to teach English. At the time we were living out of our backpacks when I found van life videos on YouTube. I just remember thinking, wow, that would be such a cool way to travel."

Ugh, Teachers.  How do these two Neo Hippie teachers  make ends meet?

"We personally do seasonal work. We mainly take on house sitting assignments, and other summer jobs. For example, I work at a normal 9 to 5 office job. Then once we have enough saved up, we begin our travels. It's a process that we do again and again."

Kids, do not follow this example as a way to live.  Save up and blow it all is not a good way to handle your finances unless you want to be on the other side of the glory hole in 20 years so you can make ends meet.  Or maybe Raychel is prepping up to be the next Federal Minister of Finance.  Who knows?  Just don't handle money like the Reimers do unless you want to be poor after 40.

"Now that we've lived out of our van for three years, we've learned a lot along the way. Although we wouldn't trade van life for anything, here are five things you should know before trying it for yourself."

Here's what to watch for if you want to be a loser at life:

"1. Everyday tasks can be exhausting
When you're staying in a house, and you want a glass of water, you just head over to the tap, where people usually have an endless supply.
Or, if you want to take a shower, you might do it without thinking. But, when you live in a van, you have to be more intentional.
You're always thinking about what you're doing next. For example, if your water tank is getting low, you have to think about where you're going to refill it.
This also all changes by the geographic location you're in. Are you off grid? Are you close to the city? Can you fill up your water tank right away? Or, maybe you will have to wait. This all changes your consumption.
Things that are in the background for others, aren't in the background for us. You have to always think about how you're going to live, including how often you flush your toilet."

I don't even want to know what their van smells like.

"2. People often ask about how we use the toilet
We don't have a compost toilet in our van, as those are $1200. But, we do have a Dometic Portable Toilet.
You can think of it like a toilet with a holding tank. It holds everything in a small tank, but then you have to head to a sanitation dump station and manually dump it. You can find those at rest stops along the way, or sometimes when you get gas.
If you're thinking about van life, how you will use the toilet is something to consider."

I use the toilet like most guys: standing up for No 1 and sitting for No 2.  Small is right; look up Dometic Portable Toilet.  I don't even want to know what their van smells like.

"3. There are expenses when it comes to van life
It might be a cheaper way to live, but there are still costs. First, you of course have your gas – and the cost will be determined by how much you drive.
But then, you have your car insurance, your oil changes, and another is a gym membership. While the gym might seem optional, that is where most who choose van life shower. For us, our breakdown looks like this:
RV insurance: $133 a month
Gym memberships: $45.00 a month
Laundromat: $15.00 a month
Gas: $800 a month
Groceries: $520 a month
Then there's the biggest expense, van breakdowns. Once we were on a trip through the USA, and ours broke when we were in San Diego. It was stressful, as we were quoted $3,000 which is $4,500 Canadian dollars. For us, it was a huge loss because it took our emergency fund.
When your van breaks down it is never fun. On top of that expense, you have to think, where am I going to stay? Getting a hotel unexpectedly definitely adds to your expenses.
With that said, when purchasing a van, you have to consider breakdowns. While you might want a unique van, it is better to get one with an easy to fix engine, this means one that any mechanic can fix.
We are lucky with ours. Since it's an ambulance conversion, it has the typical chevy engine. It's cheap to source and most mechanics can work on it."

I thought she might be slow but she hits on some great points like, "cost will be determined by how much you drive" or "get one with an easy to fix engine, this means one that any mechanic can fix".  Still, at the end of the day, do you know who else uses gym showers that aren't members?  Bums.  And why not save another $15 by doing your laundry while you're in the gym shower?

I do agree with it's not fun when you're vehicle breaks down, but if I had to go into the "emergency fund" for $4500, that would be the point where I'd say to myself, it's time to get off my ass and find a real, full-time job.  Van life can wait until the finances are in order.

"4. There are a lot of social stigmas
There is a lot of misunderstanding when it comes to sustaining van life.
We don't all have the same income, and we don't all have the same story. Some of us work remotely, some work a regular 9 to 5 job, and some live out of a van not to travel, but out of necessity.
Many think, people who participate in van life don't work, or we don't have real jobs. While some who live in their vans might be rich, or have trust funds, that's not true for all of us. The social stigmas are very loud, but the truth is just like everyone else, we are all different."

Social stigmas?  There's no misunderstanding when you're over 30 and your main shower is at the gym or your main source of income is House Sitting.  Hell, I thought I was immature.  We all don't have the same income because some people get full-time jobs and other people choose van life.  If you're rich and living in a van, I'll bet you also have a house and a driveway to park the van in.  

"5. We miss moments with our family
You have to put in a lot of work to maintain friendships and relationships. You have to make the time, and make the calls, in order to stay in touch.
Whether you do van life or you're nomadic, it can be hard missing birthdays, or being away from your family. We miss things like our nieces first steps, or other big moments just like that.
It's really important for us to message them, or facetime them, that way we can stay connected.
Thankfully, we have also made many friends on the road, who live a very similar lifestyle to us. Since we're all on wheels, we often meet up with each other, and we can usually do it within a matter of days."

Ah, the freedom that self-importance brings.  Honestly, couldn't they have driven to see their niece take her first steps?

That was the 5 downsides but there's a tradeoff:

"Although van life has downsides, there are many positives, too. We love being a part of the van life community and we would not trade van life for the high cost of living in Vancouver.
There is location freedom, but there's also financial freedom, too. We don't have to make a lot of money — our summer jobs and house-sitting gigs pay for our travel. The best part is we don't drown in bills trying to pay rent. Instead, we get to go wherever we want to go, whenever we want to go.
We always tell people, if you have the urge to do it and you can, you should try it. The experience is challenging, but it's also a rewarding one."

After reading this, I came to my own list of 5 downsides of living in a van (in no particular order):
1. Living in a van;
2. Living in a van;
3. Living in a van;
4. Living in a van;
5. Living in a van

Algorithm and Blues

"Billie Eilish, Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry are among 200 artists calling for a ban on 'predatory' AI in the music industry - amid fears technology could replace them"

Warning: the word Artist gets misused a lot in this one.

I'm not sure if Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry are jealous that a non-thinking computer program can regurgitate shit better than their hired 3 or 4 "songwriters" or maybe they realise that a computer program can generate better song ideas than they could dream up and they're just plain mad.

"In an open letter, several of the world's biggest stars have warned the tech 'will set in motion a race to the bottom' if left unchecked."  

Billie Eilish, Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry are already participating in the race to the bottom and they don't need that pesky AI getting in the way.  I'm picking Nicki Minaj since she seems to be the worst of the three mentioned.  Does she do anything other than look obnoxious?

"The use of AI to steal artists' voices, likeness, and sound is an 'assault on human creativity', they said, and would 'destroy the music ecosystem'."

Maybe I’m old fashioned but I can't tell one autotuned female vocalist from another.  The statement about there being an 'assault on human creativity' is ironic coming from someone like Katy Add-a-word-get-a-third Perry.  Being realistic, there's no "assault" or "predatory use".  I would say the assault on music by Katy Perry et all should be stopped

 

This picture has more talent than Nicki Minaj

"Issued by the Artists Rights Alliance (ARA), the letter calls for a ban on AI tools that undermine or replace human songwriters or their work."

"Fears over the use of AI have mounted over recent months after a song using AI to mimic the voices of Drake and The Weeknd went viral online."

Fear wasn't the word I used when I heard it.  I thought it was twice as shitty as just one of their songs on its own.  Two wrongs don't make a right.  And I'm going out on a limb, but I don't think it takes a lot of processing power for a computer to sound like two different autotuned computers.

"Signatories of the latest letter range from rock stars of the past, such as REM and Jon Bon Jovi, to pop stars of the moment, including Jess Glynne and Zayn Malik."  

They're not really selling their point with these examples.  I heard Stevie Wonder was on the list but I’m guessing they told him he was signing a birthday card.

"It warns that AI will 'infringe upon our rights and devalue the rights of human artists' if it is used irresponsibly."

Artists have different human rights than normal people?  I had no idea.

"Guy Chambers told The Guardian: 'I think we may get to a stage in the future where an album will need to have a badge saying "this is an all-human record.'"

I doubt it.  That’s kind of a dumb thing to say.

I'll be honest, I'm not too worried about AI generated music.  I don't do lame pop and I'm not conceited.  And I already compared AI lyrics with my own in this dandy: http://www.greggkoval.com/art-lyrics_ai_vs_me.html.  Normally I don't link to my website, but it's a new year.

To the Signatories: if you're worried about AI making a better song than you can come up with, then you'd better up your game.  And in the meantime, don't call yourself an artist.

Climate Hilarity

What makes ladies' cha-chas dry up faster than a drought in a desert?  Bill McGuire and his climate comedy.  It's all the rage!  Note: anything in italics is a quote from the article.

CNN proudly presents Bill McGuire.  Bill says, "I’m a climate scientist. This is why I’m laughing".  Bill McGuire is Professor Emeritus of Geophysical & Climate Hazards at University College London and author of “Hothouse Earth: An Inhabitant’s Guide.”

https://www.msn.com/en-ca/news/opinion/opinion-i-m-a-climate-scientist-this-is-why-i-m-laughing/ar-AA1lyvb3?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531&cvid=9a5e59f12e374a2086d4382f4386e99e&ei=11

How funny is climate scientist comedy?  Better sit down for this first one:
Q: How many climate change deniers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: What are you talking about, the bulb is fine.

I had to pick myself up off the floor because, goddamn, I've never heard a joke so funny until I reread it.  So, is the bulb fine?  In a punch line for these types of jokes, you're supposed to say who's answering the question in the answer.  Here's an example: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?  One (the subject), and the rest to say "Wow" in amazement.  

Maybe that's too nitpicky of me or maybe Bill's just warming up.  It is early.

See, despite the post-COP28 despondency, it is possible to laugh in the face of climate change. In fact, not only is it possible, it is essential.

What we needed from the climate summit in Dubai was a binding commitment to cut emissions in half within six years, so as to have any chance of keeping the global average temperature rise (compared to pre-industrial times) this side of 1.5°C, and side-stepping dangerous, all pervasive, climate breakdown.
What we got was a vague intention to transition away from fossil fuels — no timeline, no roadmap. It was the sort of outcome that elicits a chuckle and a shaking of the head in disbelief. But chuckling is a healthy response, even when things seem bleak — especially then, in fact.

Bill, can I charge you for a new computer monitor?  I just spit out my coffee on it reading those last few paragraphs.  Don't stop!

In World War II, comedy was utilised to belittle Hitler and reduce him to a figure of ridicule that morphed him in the public’s perception from a monster into a joke; from someone to be feared to someone who could be beaten. Those suffering the devastating nightly carpet bombing of British cities in 1940 and 1941 fought back in the only way they could, with laughter. The so-called Blitz ‘spirit’ depended upon a good dose of black humor, which I am sure continues to play a key role in lifting the mood, today, in war zones like Ukraine.

I wouldn't think people in London were laughing it up all that much in the early 40s, being in a bomb shelter all night, wondering when the bombing would stop and if they'd see the next day.  I didn't see the humour in that at all until Bill said something.  Now I find the German night raids absolutely hilarious.

Whenever times are difficult, people resort to wit and repartee. The reason is simple. If you don’t laugh, you will cry, and that marks the beginning of a very slippery slope. As civilization faces a threat that dwarfs that of every war ever fought combined, and the outcome of the latest climate COP offers little hope, it’s something we need — not only to remember — but to actively adopt as a weapon in our armoury to fight for a better future for our children and their children.

That by far, is the funniest thing he said, and I don't mean the crying makes things slippery joke.  I love Bill's comparisons with climate change and war.  Sometimes we need to belittle and minimize the atrocities and real horrors of war just so we can laugh.  That inspires hope.  You're on a roll, Bill.

They say that laughter is the best medicine, but weaponised comedy has the potential to do more than just make us feel good. Not only can it help inform and educate about global heating and the climate breakdown it is driving, but also to encourage and bolster action. Fortunately, this is happening.

Normally when I finish a funny movie, I don't feel like joining some kind of advocacy group but it's 2024, and a new year to try something new.  Members of advocacy groups are the warmest and funniest people around when they’re not throwing soup on Van Gogh paintings.

This is why ventures like “Climate Science Translated,” which I took part in earlier this year, are so important. The British-based project — brainchild of ethical insurer Nick Oldridge and the climate communications outfit Utopia Bureau — teams climate scientists up with comedians, who ‘translate’ the science into bite-sized, funny and pretty irreverent chunks that can be understood, digested and appreciated by anyone.

I watched some Climate Science Translated and I had to hit pause more than once just to catch my breath.  Why watch old videos of Norm MacDonald when you can sit through a master course of comedy by the Utopia Bureau?  Comedy Fact:  Did you know Utopia translates to “No Land” as in, it just doesn’t exist?  Amazing.

Four film shorts have now been made — all of which can be viewed on Youtube — the first ‘starring’ me and brilliant comedian and actor, Kiri Pritchard-McLean.

You can take my word for it, that “we are understating some major potential risks and tipping points.” Or you might prefer Kiri’s translation: “Even the craziest predictions probably aren’t crazy enough. You thought it was bad, well it’s a lot worse than that.” As Kiri pointedly observes: “If comedians are helping scientists out, you know things aren’t going well.”

Kiri must be one funny lady.  Embellishment and exaggeration is always awesome to my comedy ears.  One time I heard that 2030 was the point of no return or something.  I even heard that carbon dioxide was even called pollution.  That must have shook the entire botanic community, but like the old saying goes, if you can’t take a joke…

 

 

Elsewhere, a number of stand-ups have devised routines around global heating and climate breakdown — including the excellent Lara Ricote, who won the 2022 best newcomer award at the prestigious British comedy festival, Edinburgh Fringe, and Stuart Goldsmith’s climate-focused “Spoilers” routine, which launched at this year’s festival.

Climate Comedy!  Now this is what I've been waiting for.  Finally, something that can rival the first Borat movie.  Usually female standup is awful but if you’re going to include climate change along with dating and bad personal hygiene jokes, then consider me laughed.

There is even a “Sustainable Stand-up” course aimed at teaching comedy beginners about how climate and social issues can be addressed in their shows, and which has run in 11 countries.

OMG, Sustainable Stand-up.  They just don’t stop, do they?  I hope those 11 countries aren’t all third world countries.

In the US, the Climate Comedy Cohort brings together comedians to develop new routines informed by the hottest climate science, and take their work on the road in a series of live shows and short-form video.

The hottest climate science?  Sounds sassy.

Some climate professionals have even taken things into their own hands, like Scotsman Dr. Matt Winning, who has a PhD in climate policy, and uses stand-up to get his message across: “My idea is that we make more people afraid of flying — so we need to put big glass floors on planes….” It might sound as if plenty is happening but, as the climate continues to collapse about our ears, it is clear that more is needed — much more.

And here I always thought the Scottish were too cheap to be funny.  Comic Genius in these two lines: "glass floors on planes" and "PhD in climate policy".  Superb.

The world’s biggest climate joke has just ended in the United Arab Emirates, where more than 80,000 delegates — including 2,400 from the fossil fuel sector, have conspired to take the mickey.
Nearly three decades of climate COPs have done nothing to reduce emissions, nor rein-in ever-climbing concentrations of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. The UK Met Office has just predicted that the global average temperature rise could touch 1.5°C next year, yet the COP28 final communique is still banging on about how we can still avoid a permanent rise above this critical threshold, while at the same time failing to show how.

COP28 was always set to be a bit of a comedy show, and one that even the best comic writers would find hard to make up. Held in a major petrostate, the colossal wealth of which is predicated upon fossil fuel extraction, and which has no vested interest in slashing the carbon dioxide emissions that result from burning them, the conference was presided over by the head of the country’s national oil company".

Bill has either irony and/or sarcasm down to a science.  He makes it sound like he has no idea carbon capture units are being built with the sole purpose of making oil extraction more efficient.  Impressive, most impressive.

Rather than making progress on tackling the climate emergency, then, we are at the very least standing still, and quite possibly going backwards. A role for comedy in helping to turn things around has never been more urgent.

I love that line: Climate Emergency.  It’s like a slogan but it doesn’t make any sense.  I thought Mad Magazine’s No Joke Jokes (Issue #329) was the pinnacle but this is so funny it’s stunning.  I don't know if I can handle any more funny for the day.

So let’s see more comedians build the climate emergency into their shows, and let’s get the really big hitters involved. Come on Bill Bailey, Lee Mack, Steve Coogan, Ricky Gervais, Jack Dee and the rest. It’s your world too.

And what about a climate sit-com — surely it’s time has come? “Last of the Summer Heatwave” anyone, or perhaps “Only Fools and Climate Scientists”? 

I know — “Third Overheating Rock from the Sun.”

Bill, quit your day job already!  And take my wife, please.

 

All kidding aside, mixing "climate change" with comedy is like sitting in your own piss: it's unfunny and pathetic.