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Somali Heritage Month - Coming Soon To Canada

Canada currently has a whole host of problems, but instead of addressing them, dingleberry Yvan Baker (MP for Etobicoke) introduced a bill to make July Somali Heritage Month... in Canada.  On his X post, he even used an exclamation mark but you shouldn't be using unnecessary exclamation marks, or wear a bow tie, unless you're under the age of 10.

"Canadians of Somali descent have left and continue to leave a historic mark on Canada"

I wish that was a half sentence that ended at "leave".  I kept getting these guys mixed up with Haitians; who are the ones that eat dogs again?

You might be wondering why Canada is bothering to do this since there are at least 100 other things that need fixing.  Well, Canada hasn't been any good since about 2015 so this is par for the course; the course of being stupid and wasting time.

I searched high and low and I made a list of the great accomplishments of Somalis in Canada.  In no particular order:

- breeding

- more accidents on the 401

- adding to the unemployment statistic

-

-

-

With accomplishments like that, we should have had Somali Month decades ago.

According to the stats, the GTA has 20,000 Somali residents.  20,000's not a bad number but it's not really a national interest thing.  I gave myself a hernia trying to give a shit about the idea of Somali Heritage Month.  It's as stupid as the thought of Canada joining the EU.  Anyways, maybe they should start off with a Somali Week where they can take over a public park, set up tents, cook up some native dishes and maybe a couple of t-shirt booths (money's in the merch) and if that takes off, then maybe a Somali Month where you can be trained to hijack boats and take hostages.  Fun for the whole family.

New Somali Flag representing pirating or hunger.

 
Let's look at some fun facts about where some Somalis come from (provided by factinstitute.com):

While broke, they're environmentally friendly: "Somalia is among the world's poorest nations", so I get why coming to Canada circa 2026 would feel like home.  Also they have "the lowest CO2 emissions per capita", which means absolutely nothing when you aren't industrialized.  You can't emit what you don't have.

Back in Africa, they don't have a functioning government - just like Canada, and Somaliland (I laughed too) "continues to seek international recognition" - just like Canada.  The Somali government "struggles with low domestic revenue and widespread corruption" - just like Canada.

While Somali "refugees" should feel right at home in Canada, they should be warned that most Canadians are in the habit of using soap when they wash and bathe, and body odour is still frowned upon.  Equally frowned upon is shitting on public beaches.

Obesity is not a problem in Somali: "Somalia is ranked as the hungriest country in the world for 2025".  That would make me absolutely hangry.  Currently, 25% of Canadians now have to go to the Food Bank (that's about 1 million people) because of the current government's poor decision making.  Don't worry though, Mark Carney's an economic genius.  Gotcha.  That's not a fact.  Just seeing if you're still reading.

Did you know Somali Pirates were a real thing?  Instead of looking for buried treasure, they took hostages.  "Throughout the 2000s, pirates operated in the shipping lanes of the Gulf of Aden, regularly seizing ships and taking hostages.  It peaked in 2010 when 49 ships were hijacked and 1000 people were held as hostages.  The 2009 highjacking of the Maersk Alabama inspired the 2013 movie, Captain Phillips."

Not only are Somalis are good for the entertainment industry, they're fluent in the Arts, all the way back some 5000 years when they were painting in caves.  They knew how to use more than two colours - more than their current flag.

Somalia ranks 179th out of 180 countries on the 2025 Corruption Perceptions Index, making it the second most corrupt country.  Beat that, Canada.  You're in the middle of the pack at 75 now but if you stick to the current plan, you'll be right beside Somali in no time, bringing everyone else down in the process.  Heck, maybe Somalis in Canada are teaching the current government some new tricks.

So, sure, why not?  And who cares?  Somali Heritage Month to appease a statistical 0% of the population.  Canada's basically a third world country these days, including an unelected majority, so Somalis should fit it just fine. 

But if I catch one of those pirates eyeing up my dog...

Pink Cataract

Ritchie Blackmore once said, "I don't understand what people see in Bruce Springsteen".  I totally agree with that.

Bruce's songs, including his ramblings and trademark I'm-in-the-middle-of-squeezing-out-a-shit vocals, always put me off.  He's not the rebel he thinks he is or wants to be.  Rebels usually want to fight the power, not join it.

But that's OK, his Power To The People festival with "Foo Fighters, Dave Matthews, Brittany Howard and Joan Baez will headline a star-studded protest festival set for the Washington, D.C., area a month before the midterm elections" should do the trick for some that like that lineup.

"The one-day, two-stage Power to the People festival is set for Oct. 3 at Merriweather Post Pavilion in Columbia, Maryland, and is being billed as about "freedom, justice, equality and rock ’n’ roll.”"

Boring.  I may not be young as I used to be but sex, drugs and rock and roll is way more fun.

"Springsteen and Rage Against the Machine guitarist Tom Morello announced the festival Wednesday while performing together at Nationals Park in Washington as Springsteen winds down his Land of Hope and Dreams American tour.

"At the concert Wednesday, Springsteen played many of his most political songs, including “American Skin (41 Shots)” about a fatal police shooting and “Streets of Minneapolis,” in response to the killings of Renée Good and Alex Pretti by federal immigration agents. “The Gestapo tactics of this president and this administration will not stand here,” Springsteen said."  Tom Morello let his guitar do the talking and said, "Beeeep, bop bop, booop, ding dong, wheeeee".

Nothing sucks the joy out of anything like a political music festival... except political songs and the people that come up with them.  Of the billions of topics to write songs about, no one can come up with anything better than politics?  How empty.

Bruce Springteen's latest release

 
Others on this list include Dropkick Murphys, Jack Black, Serj Tankian, Killer Mike, Taylor Momsen and the Linda Lindas, among others.  Other than phony metalist Jack Black, I have no idea who these other people are.

"Springsteen has long criticized President Donald Trump, who in turn has called for a boycott of Springsteen’s shows, calling him a “total loser who spews hate.”"

You may not like Trump, but that was an awesome thing to say.

"“Our democracy, our constitution, our rule of law are being challenged right now as never before by a reckless, racist, incompetent, treasonous president and his ship of fools administration,” said Springsteen."

Don't come to Canada or you'll have a super shit-fit.  Hell, we don't even have a democracy anymore.

“This American tragedy can only be stopped by the American people: you. There is no one coming to save us. We’ve got to do it ourselves,” he said. “So join us and let’s fight for the America that we love. Do you hear me, Washington?”

Bruce, what are you waiting for?  Don't be a pussy.  Put down that guitar and fight.  I'd rather hear you do that than me accidentally hearing Thunder Road again.

Goddamn, I hate that song.

Trash My House - Please

If you live in Toronto, I already feel sorry for you.  But FIFA, (Football Is Fixed Association) is coming to town, along with, unfortunately, FIFA fans from all over the globe.  Where are these losers going to stay?  AI masters Deloitte recommends they stay at your house.

Canadian homeowners could earn thousands during World Cup matches. Here's how
Story by Chris Knight
https://www.msn.com/en-ca/money/topstories/canadian-homeowners-could-earn-thousands-during-world-cup-matches-here-s-how/ar-AA1X8IV0?ocid=BingHp01&cvid=c27f4dc8312843b1ee7999171f02771f&ei=52

"A report from global professional services firm Deloitte has outlined how much money homeowners in Toronto and Vancouver stand to make by renting out their properties during the upcoming FIFA World Cup. The bottom line: Torontonians could bring in an average of $2,700 by renting out their space during tournament games, while Vancouverites stand to make $4,200."

For $219 a night (that's Deloitte's average from somewhere), you can rent your house out to piece-of-shit renters for two weeks.  What a deal!  I'm not a fan of renters because they don't take care of their stuff.  And if they can't take care of their own stuff, they're certainly not going to look out for yours.  Unless they're looking out for something to steal.

That's just renters in general.  Add to that that these renters don't live in the country and they also think World Cup is interesting... these aren't the people you want in your house.

I wouldn't go to Vancouver either.  Most BC residents forget the B in BC stands for British, yet are happy when their human rights tribunal goes after comedians.  Currently, BC is just an awful, expensive place to be.

Rare photo of a fair FIFA match

Deloitte is pretty disgusting even bringing this idea up but that's Deloitte being Deloitte.  When they were Deloitte and Touche, we used to call them Toilet and Douche.  Seemed to fit.  And they have their own troubles with:

-AI-Generated Report Errors (2025): Deloitte Australia admitted to using generative AI (Azure OpenAI GPT-4o) in a $440,000 government report on welfare compliance systems.  The report contained fabricated academic citations, false court quotes, and non-existent references.  After scrutiny by academics, the firm agreed to a partial refund and issued a corrected version.  The incident sparked global concern over AI use in professional services; 
- Canadian Report Controversy (2025): A $1.6 million health care report for Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada, was found to contain four fake citations, including fabricated research.  Deloitte Canada stated it did not use AI to write the report, but used it selectively to support citations.  The province has requested a full review of the report’s references, and the firm stands by its findings; 
- Exam Fraud (2025): Deloitte, along with PwC and EY, was fined $8.5 million by the U.S. PCAOB for widespread exam cheating across its Netherlands-based firms.  Over five years, hundreds of professionals, including partners, shared answers on mandatory training exams, undermining professional integrity; 
- In 2024, it was fined $20 million by U.S. regulators for allowing a client to audit itself.  In 2023, it admitted to misusing government information in Australia and faced a Senate inquiry.;
- In 2021, it was sued over failing to detect financial irregularities at Hin Leong Trading, a Singapore-based oil trader. 
- Tax Loophole Involvement (2024): Deloitte was linked to a $2.4 billion tax avoidance scheme for Liberty Global, with U.S. authorities suggesting the firm helped design the offshore maneuver known as “Project Soy.” The firm denies involvement but has faced criticism for its role in aggressive tax planning. 
Consultancy firm Deloitte confirms breach of confidential or proprietary government information on nine additional occasions last financial year, down from 18 a year earlier.

AI is handy sometimes.  I wouldn't say Deloitte has the best track record for a company that offers risk advisory services.

"Vancouver numbers are even higher. The report estimates some 204,000 tourists will visit Vancouver and surrounding areas, including 32,000 Airbnb gusts spending an average of 213,000 guest nights."

I love the if-you-don't-act-now-you're-missing-out nothing stat of 213,000 guest nights.  World Cup, thankfully, won't last 30,000 weeks.  But no matter how long it does go on for, FIFA already knows who the winner will be.

So what could go wrong?  In British Columbia, since May 2024, short-term rentals must be the host’s principal residence or a secondary suite on the same property.  Hosts must register annually with the provincial registry, display their registration number on listings, and platforms like Airbnb must remove unregistered listings. Fines for non-compliance range from $500 to $10,000 per day.  That is, if the Cowichans don't take your house first.  In Ontario, cities like Toronto and Ottawa require registration and limit rentals to primary residences.

Let's say I decided to get on board with this lucrative gravy train, where would I stay in while someone else trashes my place?  I doubt I'd be staying at a hotel since those were booked months ago.  But if you're willing to "take the money and run" with this scam, you deserve all the wrecked/stolen heirlooms in your house... if you have four walls to come back to.